Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tuesday Teaser rewrite:



For the third time this week, Amber Kane almost lit her little brother on fire and not on purpose. When she gets mad, well, fiery things tend to happen. Some people throw temper tantrums, she throws fireballs.
It wouldn’t be that bad if she had more control over her talent. It’s in her dreams she’s most helpless and the firepower is of no use to her.

He stood a few feet away from her; his lush black hair glistened in the moonlight. His voice, which spoke to her in a rhythmic cadence, eased her initial trepidation. She’d seen him before, in the night where her imagination ran free.
“You have grown up to be such a beauty. I’ve been watching you your whole life, little one.”
She smiled and shyly glanced away from his hypnotic stare, but the magnetic pull drew her back.
His head tilted, as he laughed, surely taken with her innocence.
“There’s no need to be shy with me.”
“What do you want?” she asked.
“To help you. As I’ve always helped the witches in your family.”
Amber stepped back. “My family has no other witches in it except for my mother and me. And my mother’s a Priestess of Oya and Isis. Not something out of Sleeping Beauty.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, little one. There have always been powerful stregas in your family dating back centuries. Your grandmother’s magick is in her cooking. Whatever she is feeling at the time is infused into her meals. Your mother is a great psychic. And you…” Amber detected hunger in his voice. “Wield the element of fire.” He began to move closer to her and she was powerless to leave. A part of her didn’t want to. He exuded sexuality and she wanted him to touch her, everywhere.
The warmth of his hands felt so right upon her skin as his fingers traced the lines of her cheek and neck. He muttered softly in her ear, “So lovely. Pure and virginal, mine to protect.”
Amber leaned into him, feeling the hard muscles of his chest and the warmth of his breath upon her flesh. Her arm wrapped around his waist and she felt his arousal as their bodies pressed closer together.
“Give me your heart, my sweet one.” His lips pressed against her cheek as hers sought to meet them.
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
A growl emanated from deep within his throat. She wrapped her other arm around him, lifting her face to receive his kiss.
“I want you,” he said fiercely.
“Take me.”
“You will give me your heart, my love?”
“Oh, yes.”
That’s when she noticed the ice cold look behind his eyes. A vacant stare met hers as his arm raised and he thrust a long, thin blade into her back. Her body bucked forward into him and he moaned as if in ecstasy.
Amber felt the heat within her build, but she could not use it to heal herself or scorch the demon who held her. He glided the blade upward and his lips brushed hers.
“Thank you for your heart, my love. I will always have it with me. I will always have you with me.”
The only warmth Amber sensed was the blood flowing down her back. A new, raw pain radiated from behind. His gelid fingers entered her flesh and wrapped around her still-beating heart.
“Remember that I love you.” He sighed and yanked her heart from her body.

Amber bolted out of bed, her eyes wild with fear. She searched the room while grabbing at her chest. Relieved to feel her heart beating, she began to settle down.
“Another nightmare?”
Amber jumped back and fell over her handbag, landing on her rump.
“Damn you Cliff!”
“I’m sorry, did I frighten you?”
“You prick, you know you did.”
He smiled. “I swear I didn’t mean to. Really. I give you my ghostly honor.”
“You have no honor.” Amber climbed back into bed.
“You really should let me help with those nightmares.”
“Ha! That would mean allowing you to enter my body. No way.”
“Still mad about the whole kidnapping thing?” he asked.
“Yeah and the whole, ‘I’m going to kill you thing.’”
“Dude, you really hold a grudge.”
“Dude?”
“Sorry, dudette.”
“Yeah Cliff, it’s taken a lot just to talk to you and acknowledge your existence.”
“I know. My bad.”
“Bad doesn’t even come close.”
“Good-night, Amber.”
“Good-night, Cliff.”

10 comments:

Courtney Allison Moulton said...

Loved it! So sexy and a great twist at the end of the dream. Love the interaction between Cliff and Amber afterward. Great job!

bryngreenwood said...

Okay, I'm a little creeped out by the erotic open-heart surgery action, but I love Cliff. Dudette!

inkwench said...

Oh, loved it! Sensual and creepy - great combo! And Cliff is hysterical.

sunna said...

Very sexay. :) The dynamic between Cliff & Amber is great. Fun!

sue laybourn said...

Extremely sensual. I loved that scene. I loved the contrast between the darkness and then Cliff. :)

Gretchen said...

I got a little confused about how old Amber is supposed to be. Some of her dream language ("His lush black hair glistened in the moonlight") felt disjointed from the character we see later in the scene. And I like that character.

Ella said...

She's a mature eighteen. The daughter of the MC in Every Witch Way but Dead. I don't know if it's PC, or GC, but I write my dream scenes in distant 3rd.

Thanks for taking a look.

JM Donahue said...

Love the sexy, vivid dream. I really get the best sense of Amber and her voice shines through towards the end of the piece when she wakes up. You've done a great job of showing in the dreaming v. waking state the level of internal conflict she's working with.

ChristaCarol said...

The "give me your heart" twist was great, I really wasn't expecting that, lol. Great sensual writing there, and the dudette cracked me up.

C R Ward said...

I followed your link from AW and boy am I glad I did, I loved this!

The dream sequence was both sensual and dark, and the scene between Amber and Cliff was super!